This Reddit MIL is constantly trying to ‘mom’ her grandkids – SheKnows

I still remember my birthday cake from my fourth birthday. It was baked in the shape of a dress for a Barbie doll and topped off with a pink sugar icing dress; in other words, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Cake is important, especially for children, so this mother-in-law’s action was over the top.

A mom posted on “Am I the asshole?” subreddit about the MIL of her deliberately trying to outshine her granddaughter’s cake at her third birthday party, and it’s all so ridiculous.

“My (23F) MIL (67F) is the most beautiful person in the world and I love her,” the mother began, “but sometimes she doesn’t understand that she is a grandmother and not the mother of her grandchildren. ” Ouch! The mom goes on to offer an example that is (literally) the icing on the cake: “[M]My daughter (3F) chose a cake for her birthday and my husband (37M) and I bought it for her and my MIL knew but still showed up a few minutes before the party started with another cake.”

Are you kidding? She knew that her granddaughter already chose a cake, but she still went to the trouble of baking her own cake. and take it to the party?! Like, how did she think it would be taken?

“It was much bigger and more beautiful, but it was not what my daughter wanted,” the mother continued. “And you know at that age they get obsessed with one thing and use it on everything, cakes, clothes, toys, EVERYTHING.” Exactly. While a surprise cake might not forever it wouldn’t be welcome, it would definitely be at a 3 year old’s birthday party, especially when she already picked out the cake she wanted. I just want to know her thought process. “My granddaughter already chose her favorite character cake, but will she thank me for baking her a different cake?” Right…

Then the MIL got mad when mom didn’t move the new cake to pride of place at the party. “The point is that the table was decorated with the cake and cupcakes of the characters that she likes, so I couldn’t throw away the cake that my daughter wanted so much to put my MIL’s on it,” the mom wrote, because duh! I’m sure everything matched the theme and everything too. How could the MIL not have anticipated this?

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“And she says that it hurt her because she thinks it was at least possible to put hers aside,” the OP continued. “I told her no because that could have ruined the theme of the party, and she got mad because she says that my daughter doesn’t understand that and that I only decided not to wear it because she looked horrible to me and that’s not true. I think it was a beautiful cake but it did not go with the theme of the party. So I didn’t use it as the main cake, but we cut it up and shared it anyway, but that wasn’t enough for her because now she’s mad at me.”

Some people are really and truly the worst. In the end, the mom wondered if she should have apologized. “I probably would have apologized for hurting her if she was a normal grandmother, but she’s not, she thinks she’s the mother,” the mother said. “It’s not the first time that she wants to do something for my children (4M, 3F, 1F) when she already did it so I’m tired. AITA?

One person responded: “NTA. Your MIL is cunning and manipulative. She is creating drama on purpose, perhaps to try to cause a rift between you and her husband? I’m not sure.

Don’t buy fake kindness. She may be nice, but she’s also passive-aggressive and manipulative.”

Many people pointed out that this situation is even more unpleasant than it seems at first glance. The MIL is probably going overboard because the OP is so young compared to her husband.

“Information: So, when your husband was 32 years old, he impregnated an 18-year-old girl?” one person asked. Another replied: “And this goes back to OP’s complaint that she acts like her mother. A 32-year-old man grooms an 18-year-old not because she is mature for her age, but because her mother wanted babies and he needed an easily manipulated surrogate. 3 babies under 5 and barely out of their teens. Both my husband and MIL are predators.”

“Sorry I can’t get over the fact that your husband is 14 years older than you and you were pregnant at 18,” said another. “And have 3 children at 23 years old. Your MIL needs to recognize limits. NTA about the cake itself.”

Someone else pointed out: “This post is not about the theme of the party or other things OP wants us to think about. He tries to control you and treat you like a kid OP. The MIL of him is not a good person the way he describes him because a good person would respect his boundaries and understand that he is not the father and just a grandfather”.

“Compared to hubby and MIL she is basically a girl,” wrote another. “You don’t get a 30-year-old teenager pregnant because you expect a relationship with an equal partner. Whether the MIL considers herself a mother or a grandmother is secondary to the fact that both she and her husband think of OP only as an incubator”.

Another person offered a cheerful solution: Ignore the drama and eat the extra cake! “My in-laws showed up to all of my kids’ birthdays with their own cake because ‘they weren’t sure we had one,’” one person wrote. “It’s definitely some kind of weird power play or implied insult, but I never figured it out because I was too busy inhaling extra cake.” Mother-in-law shenanigans, like almost anything else, are always best swallowed with a little sugar!

Before you go, check out these wild stories about the most horrible mother-in-laws on Reddit.